I have found a cute, cheap one bedroom place for my cats and I, close to work.
I have plans for college in the spring.
I have read 1213 pages since September, I cannot stop.
My hair is finally growing and I am finally happy with the color.
I have realized that money will always be tight but I will manage to squeeze by each month, I can survive.
I have been a vegetarian for 286 days.
I have finally been paying my mother the car insurance I owe.
I want my grandfather to give me piano lessons but, somehow, don't know how to ask even though he'd be ecstatic.
I have finally figured out what I want my life to mean.

I have an entire bookshelf dedicated to books I've never read but recently, these have been on my list. Who knows if they're any good but I collect book recs from the internet. The picture links to a larger version.

The internet has been slow and boring today.
I want to get to higher ground.

I am covered in black hair dye. I am so messy, I hope I can get it off my arms, shoulders, back and fingers.

Tomorrow I will be in a hotel room on the beach with my grandparents. I'm crazy excited at just the thought of reading in the sand for two days straight. I have 9 dollars to my name and this is the first mini-vacation I've had in forever.

There are so many books I want to read but I just never make the time with the whole being lazy and everything. I'm in the middle of four books, this is a usual for me. I want a big backyard with a hammock, a book a week.


Also, this seems very trivial but I spent hours on

and as simple as it is, I love that everyone loves it. It's travelling tumblr too.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY POTTER.
HAPPY LATE BDAY NEVILLE.


So i just got home. I have slammed my bathroom door shut (i didn't mean to!) and I've slammed my elbow into the wall (which didn't actually hurt). I was at toucans (the local hangout, gay bar) for a birthday (my second favorite gay mario!). I went with sierra and emily. so many people from work were there and everyone kept telling me how cute my hair was and how I looked so good, that i've lost a lot of weight (even though I haven't, at all, but maybe my change in style has caused me to dress my body better? who knows). Sometimes I feel so socially retarded but hanging out with sierra always makes me see myself differently. she comes off so wrong that I realise how many people I'm friends with and talk to all the time, about anything, where as she doesn't have many people who actually like her. She kept yelling at me, asking why i was abandoning her, I was her date, JP was rude to her, blah, blah, blah. she was practically screaming at me and I just had to get away. Sure, it was loud, it was a bar, but I have horrible hearing and I still recognized screaming. I hung out with carlos mainly and bought mario shots. george said I was one of his favorite people at work which is amazing (if you know george) because he, himself, is amazing and everyone loves him. JP tried to hide me from Sierra. Manny pretended he wasn't there because he hadn't told his gf where he was going, I call her crazy kelly because she's nice but CRAZY. Carlos got me a free drink because his bf was the bartender (they are so cute). And I don't really know why I even need to write all this down but I had a lot of fun. I really needed to get out and drink.

I seriously just don't understand it. I am not allowed to forget apparently. I don't even know how to explain this without going into full detail or making it seem like this was something to hide and regret.

Simple answer:
My first job was amazing and horrible at the same time. There's this girl that ruined part of it, a girl I never wanted to see again or even hear her name. The thing is, I forgot she existed. I forgot about that entire time she was around. Until today. They hired her at my work and I think I could smash my hand through a window or just completely trip her and revel in the shit she would eat easily. I ignored her for as long as possible until she came up to me and asked, "So, what, you're not going to say Hi?" I didn't look at her. I shouldn't have even responded but I said, "No," and walked away.

It's just not fair. This is my job. I have been here for 2+ years. She should not be allowed to take over. She's pretty and funny, and charming, if I remember correctly, and I know every one will probably love her. But I know. I know how she is.

It's 2am on Monday. I haven't slept since waking up at 1p on Saturday. Yesterday I cut my bangs and I spent today at work and then went out with Wee. Drinks and dinner at one place, drinks and dessert at another. Borders became the sober up stomping ground where I made some not so sober purchases (I TOLD WEE NOT TO LET ME BUY ANOTHER BOOK!). Oh, and new sunglasses that Wee said she wouldn't be seen with me if I bought them, oh darn!



Dinner was great. My aunt and I had too many margaritas. She doesn't drink (often? at all?) but the last time I saw her we had too many margaritas. It was at my cousin's wedding and, feeling left out from the rest of the family, we drank and stayed up until 3a, talking, on my hotel bed with my mother asleep next to us. I really want to visit Washington so I did a little research and it's just so frustrating at how a vacation would be so expensive. I want to see downtown Seattle. I want to ride the train up the coast. I want to have a grand adventure alone.

These shoes came in yesterday, black version. I love them.

Also, get this. I was told today that some servers at one of the neighboring restaurants heard about our book club and want to join. What's up with that?

Sometimes I worry I'm getting too tan so I take pictures to settle my stomach. After, I edit them warm. IDK. It doesn't make sense, I know. My hair is black (it hasn't been this color since 10th grade) and I feel really comfortable with it. It's been a couple weeks and it's only faded to a dark, dark brown. Normally I'd dye it dark brown and it would fade within a week to a weird medium brownish red, not even my natural hair color.

My aunt and uncle flew down today from Washington. They're only staying until Sunday morning and of course, I'm supposedly on a "need to know" basis with my family. No one told me until Monday evening, the night my work schedule was posted. I tried to swap/give up my Saturday but it's a leper shift. Patio #2. My GM was nice enough to put me on call Hopefully they won't need me.

I love my book club. It started as just the two of us and now there's six.


I want to write more. I want to read more. I want to use the internet less. I want to drink more. I want one of those summers where everyone lives in their bathing suits, no one goes home for longer than a shower time, the sun rises and sets by the pool/beach, and everyone is never sober. I want to drink case after case of beer or champagne.

I need sleeping pills.

reading goals
one upside-down
one french
more bukowski
def all HP series (AGAIN/AGAIN)
keep up with book club

currently

cut my favorite pair of nonwearable jeans into shorts.
am addicted to LUSH and want to shower 4 times a day.
could live off miso soup for the rest of my life, seriously.
harry potter tomorrow omg!
book club on wednesday omg!
actually missed morongo.
miss my kittehs more :(

thanks to the wonders of directTV I am living off discovery health channel, TLC, HGTV, and law&order: criminal intent.

currently

watching: 2001: A Space Odyssey for the first time, I fail.
hating: my computer so very much because every single thing I do has a lag, right down to every key I'm writing in this sentence
reading: The Fabric of the Cosmos by Brian Greene (heard of it @mozart). When I was thirteen I had my mother buy Metaphysics by Aristotle for me. I just love the subject.
forgetting: that I just took a percocet, really. I was sitting on the couch thinking, why do I feel so weeeeeeeeeeird?
feeling: (besides weeeeeeeird) goddamn dirty because my wake, shower, shower, sleep schedule was interrupted by an early work time. ugh.

my fingers never work correctly.

There are two times in my day when I write journal entries in my head, while I'm driving home from work and right before I get in the shower. They sound so eloquent and interesting until I sit in front of the computer and I find that I've either forgotten how to word things correctly or I just don't feel like explaining. Anything. Anymore.

Ridiculous.


Here is me being eloquent and interesting, I am now reading (and half finished):


Again, I cannot decide between falling asleep at 4a to wake up at 10a grumpy and annoyed or just, you know, foregoing sleep altogether.

I really don't think there will ever be enough hours in a day to satisfy me.

I have to admit that for years I was a little embarrassed to answer "writer" when I was asked what I'd like to be when I grew up. Now, I don't write very often. Actually, not much at all. I was embarrassed because it seemed like such a ridiculous dream to admit. EVERYONE wanted to be a writer and very few made it published.

Now, everyone is a photographer. I love it.

Do you know that feeling? The one where your clothes are uncomfortable but you'd feel the same naked? The one where you can't tell if you're hot or cold? You need to lay down? You need to stand? You need to eat but you're not hungry?

It is all over me.
My skin is cold but I feel like I'm burning.

Almost finished: Restaurant at the End of the Universe by Douglas Adams
Listening/newly downloaded: Mean Everything to Nothing by Manchester Orchestra

I can hear coachella from my window.

I had plans with Aln around nine last night which turned into having plans around midnight. Since I have felt so in the dark with taxes this year, he offered to help. We used a different tax program than my previous one and, holy shit, I thought I was going to scream with happiness when it told me I was going to get 80 dollars back. EIGHTY DOLLARS. BACK. I don't care that it's not 800, I care that it's not -605 like I was previously told

Now I have this money in my savings and I cannot wait until I can get Neal neutered. I cannot wait until I can get my car the new tires it's needed for the past six months and maybe, just maybe, I'll have a little extra to get the huge scratch erased from the door. Seventy percent of my stress has been erased.




I have only read The End of the Whole Mess so far, but I'm in love. It is a book made for me.

I am a sucker for short stories. I love how the complicated has to be simple and short. I love how easy it is to experiment in style. I am also a sucker for the "end of the world" stories. Not the OMGZOMBIES but just the end, the end of civilization, the end of enlightenment, even someone's last day on earth. It just interests me so much I can't even explain. I think Generation X by Douglas Coupland must have started it with me when I read the book in high school. Fun Fact: Generation X is set where I live.


44583

Today is my birthday.

I was born on a Wednesday, during a new moon.

It is the 99th day of the year and also, for myself, the 99th day of being a vegetarian (actually, pescatarian).

On this day:
In 193, Septimius Severus was proclaimed Roman Emperor by the army in Illyricum. I just love his name.
In 1413, Henry V (one of the most significant English warrior kings of the 15th century) was crowned King of England.
In 1682, Robert Cavelier de La Salle discovered the mouth of the Mississippi River, claimed it for France and named it Louisiana. When I visit Louisiana, I will finally be able to die happy.
In 1865, Robert E. Lee surrendered the Army of Northern Virginia to Ulysses S. Grant at Appomattox Courthouse, Virginia, effectively ending the Civil War.
In 1867, Passed by a single vote, the United States Senate ratified a treaty with Russia for the purchase of Alaska.

Births:
1926 – Hugh Hefner
1954 – Dennis Quaid
1963 – Marc Jacobs
1974 - Jenna Jameson
1974 - Alexander Pichushkin
1977 – Gerard Way
1982 – Jay Baruchel
1986 – Leighton Meester
1987 – Jesse McCartney
1990 – Kristen Stewart
1998 – Elle Fanning

This year, it is Maundy Thursday to Christians. It commemorates the Last Supper of Jesus Christ with the Apostles.